This time, it *is* personal.

Recently, I sparked a bit of controversy on facebook with a status update that read: I am extraordinarily pissed at the Mormon Church. Through a series of comments throughout the first few hours, I made it clear that my frustrations were with the church's donation of lots of money in support of California's Proposition 8. Later that evening, two of my close childhood friends (who happen to be Mormon twins) posted their own set of comments defending the Latter Day Saints position in opposition to gay marriage, their right to donate money to whatever cause they deem necessary, and to reiterate their love of me and request that we can just "agree to disagree" on the issue.

After mulling it all over, I decided to delete the comment thread and to message the girls directly primarily to avoid public debate, which I assumed to be unnecessary and crass. In summation, my response went something like the following... **Note: This is a paraphrase of what I wrote and some new ideas and points I never made to the girls. Some of the more personal comments are not included**

First, to clear up any misconceptions by my scathing status... I harbor no ill will against the Mormon church; conversely, my feelings towards the LDS are generally positive because they are one of the few modern religious organizations that actually practices what they preach... Novell concept, eh?

I understand and respect the rights we as citizens have to donate our money to whatever cause we feel appropriate; this is not my issue here. But to donate and support feverishly a proposition which RESTRICTS the rights of gays while having NOTHING to do with the rights of nongays is beyond fathomable for me. Christians, Mormons, whomever claim that marriage is a sacred institution, a concept I affirm, yet fail to see how two men in, say, San Fransisco being wed has any affect on the sancity or holiness of the marriage between a straight LDS couple. Moreover, since when has it been this government's responsibility to protect what someone feels is a holy institution?

My friends brought up that in this great nation, we Mormons and homosexuals alike share the same freedom to use our money as we please. But can someone point to me what happened to my freedom to marry a man that I love? Straight couples obviously enjoy that freedom, as do our parents, my brother and family, but what about me? Where is my protection?

They asked me to agree to disagree with them on the issue of gay marriage... I can agree to disagree on our *personal* beliefs of hte issue but I can NEVER agree to disagree that this wonderful government we live in has allowed such a gross display of tyranny of the majority. These are the actions that our founding fathers set out to prevent... Yet somehow, it has occurred and barely a citizen flinches. Where has our liberty gone?

The girls spoke of a hatred against the LDS, an ignorance spewed out by the gay community with misplaced anger and frustration. They know nothing of hatred. Gays risk losing their family when they come out (fortunately, this did not happen to me!); I certainly lost friends. I have been branded a "faggot", a "godless heathen", a "perversion" by people whom once told me they loved me. I was kicked out of my best friend's house my freshman year of college because his parents believed I might corrupt their younger son. I live in constant fear of hate crime, always looking over my shoulder because my sexuality is not deemed normalitive by society. They know nothing of hatred.

Yet I understand that we all face adversity; my Mormon friends growing up in a hugely Protestant town faced constant calls from their "Christian" friends to repent, to reject their religious beliefs and follow a "real" religion. I was even taught by an intolerant church methods of saving the souls of the lost LDS. However, when the dust settles and they crawl into bed at night, they snuggle up next to the men they are madly in love with knowing that their mom and dad are *proud* of the mates they have chosen. Me? I will one day crawl up next to the man I love but never get to experience full acceptance in the eyes of this government, some of my friends, or, more importantly, my family. My children will be branded as "faglings" and when I am sick in a hospital, my husband may not be able to visit. Straight couples have the basic luxury of loving whomever they choose for whatever reasons but me... I am restricted, by law, by the very government I love so passionately, from following suit. Somehow, my love is not good enough.

Please tell me how that is fair? Sorry, but this *is* personal... I cannot agree to disagree... I cannot not take this personally. From this day forward, I will fight continuously for equality, for fairness, for justice in the realm of gay unions. We are *not* second rate citizens, we are *not* perversions and abominations... we are people. We are Americans like everyone else who want the simple pleasures of life, who want to live the American dream. With this in mind, I promise to never let the sorrows of seeing states ban gay marriage prevent me from pursuing true equality in the eyes of my country's law. We lost a battle yesterday, my friends, but the war is far from over.

I love my country, I love everything it stands for... It will only be made better once it truly protects my rights.

Facing Realty

I realized this weekend that regardless of how many blogs I write, regardless of how many people I seek advice to, most of my recent losses are permanent. Papaw will never call me again, Grandpa will never make another coke-float, my friend will never call. Everyday, I come closer to grasping this reality, everyday I sink further and further into a darkness so pervasive that I have found myself wondering who I even am. It has all been too much to handle at one time yet these are the cards God has dealt me and I must trust that His game plan, His will, shall prevail. And regardless of how things turn out, I must accept these realities and move on. So I continue to pray, continue to seek His wisdom... I sincerely hope these emotions end quickly.

Silver Lining

Lately, my life has been defined by one simple, four letter word: loss. In the matter of one month, I lost both of my grandfathers, my ambition for medical school, and one of my best friends, all of which will change my life forever. Albeit I believe God gives and God takes away, these 4 weeks have felt strangely lopsided towards the divine "takes away" column on His checklist, and part of me constantly wonders what or who is next. Yet throughout it all, I have never before been this positive, this uplifted, in life, and I chalk it all up to seeing a silver lining in my proverbial rainclouds.

The loss of my grandfathers within two weeks of one another will be remembered as a hallmark of my college life. Up until late August, I had never lost a someone close to me, much less a family member; the mechanisms we develop for coping with death had not yet arisen for me. Fourteen days later, I had attended two funerals for the men who had always served as role models for me, I had watched my grandmothers suffer loss in a magnitude I may never understand. But at the same time, I witnessed my families come closer together; I heard more sincere "I love you"s between cousins, siblings, parents, children and spouses than ever before. I learned two very important lessons in those weeks: life is fragile and to never forget to say I love you. I am sure that both Grandpa and Papaw would be pleased with me finding peace in Love even in their deaths.

Losing my ambition for medical school shocked most of the people around me but I knew better. Since this summer, I had been festering with the idea of not applying but I needed a catalyst to help drive my decision home, one that would come from the losses detailed above. After realizing how precious life is, I decided that 4 years of medical school was not my calling, at least not right now; I am trained to be an engineer and I want to see my skills in industry. It depressed me to see my MCAT scores because the reality of not applying had finally sunk in... I was truly not going to be a doctor. But in this, I learned finally how to make decisions for myself, how to consider the costs and the benefits relating solely to my life and to come to a path that I can be happy to walk down.

My most recent loss comes in the form of a very close friend, someone I had considered (and still do) my little brother. Events transpired that I may never fully understand but the outcome is clear. Although these past few days have been quiet and I certainly miss him, I know that this is the best option for both of us right now. It is a hard pill to swallow knowing that we may never interact again, that we may never change one another for good (this is starting to sound like a Wicked song, how fitting). Yet I have full confidence that our lives will carry on. My hope is that he continues in his growth as a young man and lives up to his potential, that he finds not only happiness but peace as well, that both of us will look back and view this week as necessary for our continued maturation. Thankfully, I am busy enough with school and life to distract me from the quiet that his absence has caused.

Bad things happen... we cannot change that fact of life. But when you find yourself down, when you realize that life may not be going in the direction you intended, I encourage everyone to always seek a silver lining. Find something positive to grasp onto and never let go of it. Find a friend, a hobby, a task to focus your energies into and let something good be born from something bad.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Validation

My scores finally arrived an hour ago and I validated my ability to take tests with a solid, competitive MCAT score. Sadly, my biological sciences score was lower than it should have been but verbal and physical sciences made up for it. Seeing this score has been both relieving and frustrating at the same time. I was expecting, almost hoping for, the worst case scenario, a score that would keep me from being competitive at any major medical school, therefore affirming my decision to not apply. But my scores are good, better than I could have hoped, and a small part of me is second guessing my decision to wait on applying. Now, my sincere hope is that I find a great job that keeps me in Austin, keeps me home near to the people I love, and gives me the opportunity to learn in a new manner.

Rough few weeks

This loss hurts ten times more than the last. My mom's dad, Papaw to me, was taken from us just a few days ago but already, it feels like I've had to spend years without him. As the phrase goes, you never know what you have until it is gone. Finding words to describe his life, to articulate just how much that man meant to me, is completely impossible, especially with the layers of shock still clouding me. Maybe one day, in a few months or years, I can look back and do justice to the man I will always call a hero.

Actually, that might be the best way to remember him... a hero. Papaw served in the military, served the Masons, served his friends and community, but most of all, he served his family. To so many who knew him, Joe Kelly was a shining beacon of compassion and love, someone to look forward to running into when out in Tomball. His smile was magnetic, his personality was filling, his heart was overflowing. Papaw will always be remembered as my hero.

Losing two role models in two weeks is tough. But as my mom constantly repeats, God sees the bigger picture and has big plans for those of us left behind. Even though the knowledge that my grandfathers are with my Father today, their loss is still bittersweet. Watching both of my parents lose their fathers, their rocks, their earthly foundations, hurts me beyond measure. Thankfully, mom and dad are strong together; how amazing is it that God provided my parents with one another to struggle through the same loss at the same time such that both can perfectly empathize with one another. Individually, my parents have faith in God's perfect and awesome plan but together, they have the faith to move mountains!

But something miraculous, something incredible also happened this weekend as my brother and sister-in-law found out that they are having a very healthy little girl in January! Initially, their doctor was concerned about various complications the child was experiencing but a high-risk specialist doused their fears and said their little girl was growing fine! That news brought a smile to me through the pain of losing another grandfather. Olivia will always know who her great-grandfathers were, and that even though she never met them here on earth, they loved her. I'm certain that Zac and Whitney will let Grandpa's and Papaw's legacies live on through their precious daughter!

A few simple words...

Sadly, verbose words escape me as I try to encapsulate my thoughts for you and the impact your life has had for my entire life. How is it possible to sum up over seven decades of abundant life in the confines of these few paragraphs? I write this knowing that you cannot read this but hoping that through God, my message of immense gratitude find their way to you. I wish I could have told you this in person but I was too young back then to ever grasp the magnitude of the influence you had on my life.

Your devotion to the ministry has saved countless souls, converted thousands to a life of love instead of a life of sin. My own mother accepted Christ at a revival you lead some 40 years ago, long before she would know your name on a more personal level. I've seen her Bible given on the day of her salvation and have seen your name written just below hers along the "Pastor" line. At that time, only God knew that your last name would eventually belong to my mother as well once she married your son 7 years later.

As a father, you raised a man who I can safely say is the greatest father on earth. You showed him the meaning of fearing God, of raising spiritual children and of loving a family unconditionally. Not only did you give him life but you taught my dad lessons of fatherhood that he employed when raising my brother and me. Those same lessons have been passed on to us, lessons we both promise to give to our children such that your great legacy will continue. One day, I will sit down with my children and recount the memories I remember of you, read them the story you wrote which has brought me much comfort in life, tell them of the grandfather that spoiled me with praise yet taught me how to love like Christ.

Bailey Thompson, pastor, grandpa... Please know that even though I never said thanks in person, I mean it now more than ever.

Finally

Today marks the official beginning of my summer! As many know, my MCAT was yesterday from 1:30-6 and my organic chemistry II final was today from 2-5 (although I finished by 3:15). As of now, it feels as though a thousand pounds has been removed from my shoulders and I can finally breathe again!

Yesterday's test was unimaginably brutal although it is nearly impossible to access the damage until my scores come in during the middle of September. My honest predictions are that my range is 25-35, depending on lucky my educated guesses were. The verbal section, my bane over the past few months, came relatively easy to me and I sincerely hope that score was above 11 to help carry me because my bioscience score is going to be in the metaphoric gutter. I guess the pride of being a BIOmedical engineering (emphasis on the bio) stood in my way and those questions knocked me down a peg or two. Let's hope that my scores will at least keep me competitive and not remove all chances of medical school in my near future.

Thankfully, my final today was a confidence booster. During the first two tests, which we were alloted 2 hours to take, I usually needed about an hour and fifteen minutes; this supposedly 3 hours test took me all of an hour and change to finish and I feel confident about every answer, especially the free response. I am unaware as to why multiple choice always seems to humble me but my new goal this semester is to learn how to effectively take multiple choice exams! My A was definitely retained so my GPA will stay where it needs to be for the final push towards medical school. Now I cross my fingers and pray that my application is strong enough to at least warrant an interview.

This coming week could very well be one of the best in a long long time (excluding my trip to Europe because honestly, how do you compete with cheap French wine and amazing culture?!)! Sunday through Friday will be spent in Ft Worth with my family and a few close friends. For the first time in close to a year, the next seven days will be as lazy and unproductive as I can muster, with plenty of time lounging at a pool or cruising the mall, and very little time thinking about the future. Truly a relaxing week :)

My senior year cannot come soon enough. It is hard to believe that in less than one year's time, I will have a bachelors of science and (hopefully) begin classes at some incredible medical school. But all of this reminds me that life passes us by in a flash; all too often I find myself caught up so far in the future that I forget to enjoy the present and indulge in the wonderful gifts life has afforded me. So cheers to the next week being slow and prudent!

Finding Peace

After years of searching for my lustrous pearl, I have finally found the inner peace longing to find its way to the surface. It had long been trapped under insurmountable piles of stress, pressure, anxiety, and ambition, leaving me constantly tired. My life has been easy thus far but by allowing serenity sit backseat to chaos, I have yet to truly start living.

Last week, at the suggestion of a close friend, I began spending 30 minutes a day quietly sitting in my room with relaxing music washing its tides over my mind. At first, my mind was unaware of how to cope with the calming sensation the waters of quiet brought with their surf; I sat in quiet as my mind raced to find images, thoughts, ideas, equations to fill the void. Unsatisfied with the first few minutes, I desired to turn the lights back on, boot up my computer and allow my normal routine eek its stressful way back into my life, but I persisted a few minutes longer.

Then it happened... The gears slowed, the thoughts cleared and I focused on a singularity of darkness in my mind. As I began to adapt to the serenity, everything began to achieve an order in my head and I was able to process my thoughts one by one. I meditated on my emotional extremes of the day and found their origins and solutions to prevent them from occurring again. The knowledge I had gained from studying that day solidified and became permanent; it sounds weird but I could see these events much like I see the computer screen now, only with my 'mind's eye' inside my psyche. When I came to some 45 minutes later, this peace that was once so distant had come closer and was in my grasp!

Over the past week, I have achieved a calm every day, usually just before going to bed and I believe that it has allowed God to place a hand over my anxiety and snuff it out. These two tests looming ahead no longer seem impossible; I believe in my skills, abilities, and knowledge now more than ever! It is a difficult concept to explain but the results are as clear to me as anything I've read in textbooks: for the first time in my life, I have found peace!

From here, I hope my life changes in positive ways. I long to obtain more control on my emotional whims to prevent them from dominating every facet of my life. My decisions should be more pointed, with a greater purpose; my goals are solid and will give me a firm foundation to trek over in the coming years. Everything tastes better now, down to the water and bread I have consumed almost every day for years. Smells are more vivid, colors have a brighter hue... Truly this must be what life is about!

God has given me a new edge but with it comes new responsibilities. Now more than ever, I am accountable for the consequences my emotional decisions bring. I must control my jealousy (especially with certain friends) such that I may take action to allow for their happiness, not my own. My blind ambition needs to help me reach goals to help people without hurting any along the way for the end cannot always justify the means. And I will do everything I can to insure that my knew-found joy in life through Christ and peace outwardly shows to my friends to allow me to love them more with each passing minute!

So I ask you to give it a try... meditate on the joys of life. Spend a few minutes in peace each day focusing your mind on the light within the dark recesses of your mind. Through that, I hope you may find the peace and joy that has been given to me!

End of Paris, Barcelona, and Athens!

Leaving Paris may have been one of the hardest days in the past few years for me just because that city, that quaint apartment and the people I met had made everything feel just like home. Lucas said it best the Saturday night before we left: We lived in Paris… for one month, Paris was our home and provided us with a wonderful month of culture and growth. Everyone left early that morning, a few for the States, a few to other countries in Europe, and for the first time in 4 weeks, I was totally alone in an amazing city. After dropping off my luggage for storage, I walked down Champs Elysees to see more extravagance. I’ve said it before but it can definitely be said again… Parisians do luxury very well. I spent at least 2 hours in Notre Dame because it was a Sunday and I felt like worshipping in one of the most famous cathedrals in the world. One of the biggest things I’ve missed this past month is church so praying brought me a huge degree of comfort during my very lonely few hours. After my makeshift church service, I made my way back to the FIAP to collect my suitcase and head towards the train station to leave Paris behind for quite some time.

Watching the city shrink into the distance from the train window stung so I loaded up my friends’ pictures from the trip and relieved my loneliness with memories over the past month: the wet trip through Amsterdam, the beer of Munich, the beaches of Barcelona, the art, passion, and culture of Paris, and most importantly, the six new friends I had made during the course of this Maymester. I slept very well on the train that night, partially from exhaustion and mostly from a serenity of being alone. The morning in Barcelona was extremely sunny; I watched the Spain vs. Italy game in the lobby of my hotel as I waited for Brennan to arrive just before noon (thankfully, Spain won!). We headed straight for the beach in our suits and laid for several hours, soaking up the sun and the peace that comes with the crashing waves of the Mediterranean.

During the course of the 3 days in Barcelona with Brennan, we got along extremely well, shared the past few months of our lives to one another. Between my junior year of college and Maymester and his frequent trips to South and Central America, we had plenty of stories to go through so conversation never ceased. The second day was very overcast so we lounged around the hotel room for a few hours and then walked around a few of the more popular sites of Barcelona; it was Dia de San Juan so most stores were closed for the holiday but that didn’t stop us from enjoying the city. We drank more sangria and ate some wonderful Spanish food before getting some rest that night. The final day in Barcelona was spent primarily on the beach (where else??) soaking up more sun. We bartered with several souvenir shop clerks and both bought football (the original game) jerseys. That evening, we decided against going out because I wasn’t too interested and he was exhausted still and had to travel extensively later that week. The next morning, we taxi’d to the airport and left for separate countries.

My flights went from Barcelona to Rome with a 2 hour layover, then from Rome to Athens. Due to the Italian apparent inability to organize, my flight to Athens was delayed at least an hour but I successfully made it to Greece that evening and met up with Sheena! It took quite a while to make our way across the city to our hotel so we watched the final bit of Spain beating Russia in the semi-finals before going straight to bed. The beds have been uncomfortable to say the least and we both found adequate sleep impossible but that won’t stop me from enjoying the one city I’ve been longing to visit for years! We spent the entire first day walking to the Acropolis, seeing the Agoras and ancient ruins, finding the restored temples and seeing the ancient side of my favorite civilization. Albeit covered in scaffolding for restoration, the Parthenon was breathtaking and a surreal experience for me. The roots of democracy and western society were formed on that hill by Greeks we speak of in legends now. As I stood in the Greek agora, the central market place for Socrates, Aristotle, St Paul, etc, I felt this historical magnitude and significance I haven’t felt anywhere else, even in Rome. Sheena and I both purchased Greek opal rings from this family owned jeweler and we wandered around for the rest of the day.

We had previously agreed to spend a day on a nearby island so we selected Aegina primarily because of its proximity to Athens, only an hour by ferry. Upon arriving, we didn’t see the “vast beaches” I had read about in the island’s descriptions but we made the most of the small strips of water front and both got probably too much sun. We found a small sand bar in the water and spent most of our time reminiscing and catching up in the comfortable sand. After 5 hours of sun, we both felt burnt and found our way back to the ferries and back to Athens once more. Although both exhausted, neither of us slept particularly well so we lounged in bed this morning before embarking on a quest through some authentic Greek flea markets.

I had read online about the famous sandal-maker, known in Greece as the Poet, who has been making sandals by hand and writing world famous philosophy since the 50’s. He has since retired but his son, the Son of the Poet, famous in his own right with several published works, still makes sandals daily just to the side of this flea market, near the acropolis. Sheena and I walked in and he was sitting behind a desk hammering away at strips of leather and his assistant helped us find sizes and styles that suited us. I purchased the Socrates and she wanted the Prince style created in honor of Prince Philippe of Spain years ago; mine are apparent copies of the style worn by the famous philosophy, one of my favorite men of history. The SotP fitted the sandals to my fit, nailed in the straps and attached an ankle strap to my foot and personally inspected his work before sending me off with a signed pair of authentic Greek hand-made sandals! I really want a copy of his latest play, Bacchus, but the printers won’t have copies ready until probably Tuesday of this week so I may have him mail me a copy back to Texas.

The flea market was a great taste of the less historical side of Athens with gypsies selling eclectic mixtures of crap and treasures, store vendors advertising their ‘authentic’ designer wares in the middle of the streets and tons of people spilling out into the shaded streets in attempt to find rescue from the heat. Thus far, I’ve had chicken suvlaki with a Greek yogurt sauce, some delicious chicken in a strawberry marinade with puree of potatoes, a ham, cheese, and bacon crepe, and lamb in lemon sauce; the Greeks are not exceptionally noted for their alcohols, except ouzo which I hear is disgusting, so I have yet to drink anything other than water during this trip. The Athenians themselves have stood out as a very helpful, incredibly nice people always keen on helping their common man regardless of nationality or ethnicity. We’ve had several people stop us to offer directions and suggestions, some extremely nice servers in restaurants, and a generous jeweler who has given us several wonderful discounts on opal rings for us and our families. We have one more day here which will hopefully be spent relaxing but I will already miss the friendliness of Athens!

I’ve gotten extremely homesick now that my trip is almost over; I can taste the Tex-Mex already! Never before have I missed my family this much and I’m really looking forward to getting back to all of my friends. While this has been an eye-opening and life-changing experience from day one until now, there really is no place like home. Sleeping in my own bed, sipping wine with Rob, holding my dog again, giving mom a hug, catching up with dad, and just being a Texan all seem too exciting to me right now.

Hope everyone is doing well! I will post one more time (hopefully the night before my flight back to the States) with a recap and the official list I have been working on: American vs. Europe. My pictures from Greece will be up hopefully soon although with the internet going out in my hotel room, I can’t promise anything. I’m looking forward to seeing yawl (damn that feels great to type)!

Updating is difficult...

In other countries with scarce internet! I wrote a comprehensive blog on my last days in Paris, Barcelona and then Athens but it's been a pain trying to get it posted when I don't have internet access on my own computer. It will be up tomorrow, for sure, so sit tight!

The Beaches of Omaha

This week has been a total blur, to say the least; because everything in Paris was coming to a close, our group was active nonstop everyday trying to pack in as much Paris into our final days as possible. We visited a few museums, had some great meals, and spent a lot of time together. Musee d'Orsay, one of Paris's most famous museums and the home of the Impressionist movement, was beautiful; I was able to see a few more Monet's (they've dedicated 2 whole rooms to him there!) and really enjoyed the architecture of the train station-turned-museum. Nothing too excited happened in Paris on Wednesday or Thursday... Friday, however, brought one of the craziest and most frantic days I've ever had.

Five of us decided that we could not leave northern France without seeing the beaches of Normandy and the memorials dedicated to the soldiers who gave their lives liberating France on D-Day in WW2 and the following months of the war. My father suggested we take a train to Caen since that is home of the most famous Memorial Museum, dedicated to the brave men and women around the world who have sacrificed everything for the sake of freedom. At the train station, we checked a map and made our way towards the museum, some 3 or 4 miles north of us; after 30 minutes of walking, we decided a bus would be our best option so we spent at least 45 minutes searching for bus tickets and finding the right bus stop.

We finally arrived at the museum after being in Caen for almost 2 hours and were shocked to find that the only mode of transportation from Caen to the beach is by a 5 hour guided tour, all of which were fully booked that morning. The receptionist suggested that we take a train to the city Bayeaux, 15 minutes west of Caen and just south of Omaha and Utah beaches. We made our way back to the train station and tried buying the cheap passes but realized that not only would the ticket machines not take our credit cards (stupid Eurochip), they ONLY took coins, not cash. We frantically began asking people to change out our bills and shoving coins into the machines hoping our tickets would print before the train left. We grabbed the tickets and rushed on board only a minute or two before the doors closed.

Finally in Bayeaux, we tried hailing a cab from a company to take us to the beach; after promising that a driver would be at the station when we arrived, the manager of the cab company realized that he didn't have an extra driver and told us to wait 25-30 minutes, time we just did not have. Luckily, a random cab driver turned into the train station with just enough room for the 5 of us to hop in and began speeding his way towards the cemetery. When this French driver realized that we only had an hour to view the graves and memorial, he began calling friends of his at the train station to find us a new train. That's when I realized something very important... This man had not forgotten what American, British, French, and Canadian men had sacrificed 64 years ago. He kept repeating "you're American?... you need more time at the cemetery." After 25 minutes, we finally arrived and this entire day of frantically rushing around northern France suddenly disappeared from my mind.

This was another surreal experience for me, one that is very difficult to put into words. The aura surrounding this American memorial is like nothing I have ever experienced before. Walking on Virginian soil brought over from the States so that these brave men could be buried in American ground brought a wave of emotion over me. The quotes, the eerie calm of the sea, the US flags flying all added to my experience. We watched a 15 minute video entitled "Letters" about a few D-Day soldiers who had written home just prior to boarding their boats and giving their lives such that France might be free. One statement during this video stuck hard with me and I shall never forget its meaning (said by a Frenchmen freed during the liberation of France): "These thousands of soldiers gave their lives 6000 miles from home for the freedom of the French they would never have the chance to meet. That courage will never be forgotten, not by Caen, not by Paris, not by the world." Sitting in tears, I began to realize that magnitude of June 6, 1944 and what that single event in history means to the world today.

After an hour inside the memorial museum, we made our ways to the fields of 10,000 crosses marking the graves of American deaths in northern France. The air had this silencing feel to it and I stood in disbelief at the number of perfectly aligned crosses sprawled across these field where German bunkers and trenches once stood in opposition to freedom. Walking down to Omaha beach, standing in the waters of the English Channel and looking up at the ridge was another surreal site for me. My grandfather stood in that same sand on those same waters and saw the same ridge some 64 years ago as he sailed into the beach a few weeks after D-Day; instead of green shrubs and calm waters, he saw the bodies of thousands of dead soldiers, minefields, damaged tanks, bullet casings and other atrocities. Again, I cannot accurately translate my feelings into words but I can say with absolute certainty that I will never forget the 3 hours I spent at Omaha beach.

We had very little trouble getting back to Paris; our frantic experiences with the trains from earlier in the day prepared us for any problems we might have that evening. As usual, it was refreshing to be back in Paris and I slept in total peace that night, thanking God that those men did what they did 64 years ago to insure my freedoms today!

Castles, Beaches, Trains

It's been a week since my last post so I apologize that it has taken me longer than normal for an update! Last week was mostly uneventful, marked by visits to see Monet's lilies, a hike up the wonderful Eiffel Tower, and some time in Loire Valley. Monet goes down as one of my favorite artists in history; his ability to translate seemingly arbitrary brush strokes of color into a magnificent image of scenery is truly impressive. I sat in front of his 8 lily paintings for close to an hour, admiring the simplistic complexity inherent in his art. What's more amazing is that his art gains an added layer of depth and realism on film so I was able to capture what I feel to be Monet's essence on my camera!

Our climb up the great tower was difficult to say the least. The last count I heard was near 750 steps to the 2nd level which was more of a work out than I've had in quite some time, especially in the 12pm sun of Paris on the warmest day we've had thus far but the view was well worth it! The lift took us the rest of the way to the summit of the 20th century masterpiece and we could see all of Paris sprawled out in all directions. Only then does one truly gain an appreciation for the chaotic layout of this wonderful city.

Loire Valley was a let down overall with shining moments of awesomeness laced in for good measure. In the states, our bus driver would never pass a driver's education test much less be allowed to drive students around the country side of France but in this country, I guess anything goes. Plenty of times, we grabbed onto one another for a feeling of pseudo-safety as we snaked in and out of lanes for a few hours til we reached our first chateau of the evening, Chenonceau. The entrance to this home opens up on one bank of the Loire river and the great hall expands the river to another entrance on the opposite bank, presenting an amazing site for us to visit. Aside from the wonderful architecture, we really enjoyed the wine grown at the chateau's own vineyard (I bought 3 bottles, one of which I am working on as I write this!); I am not a fan of red wines typically but this has a few subtle notes that work really well for me. The last chateau (more of a Gothic castle) was totally underwhelming for its stature and apparent significance. We requested to cut the tour short for the sake of time and left for the train station for our trek to Spain!

Oh, Barcelona! We arrived at 9am, dropped our luggage off at our respective hotels (more on the 4 stars later) and preceded to the beach to relax as a group in what turned out to be a very sunny day. The crashing of the waves, the salty spray in the air and the warm sun made for the most relaxing 4 hours in a long, long time. The Mediterranean is wonderfully blue with this fun tinge of green mixed in to remind you that this is not the Caribbean. Everything about this beach had a refreshing feel to it and we either took naps or read the afternoon away. The guys spent the next day relaxing in our amazing hotel, swimming, relaxing in the sauna, and napping with a wonderful view outside of our window. The seven of us convened that night to celebrate Amy's 20th birthday by playing drinking games and relaxing some more (common theme for the weekend, no doubt). The next day, the guys checked out and went straight to the beach to enjoy the sun for another few hours; my two straight friends really enjoyed the topless part of the Barcelona beaches while I slept on my Barca towel (first truly touristy souvenir I've purchased). We had dinner with everyone and boarded our train at 9pm to end our truly relaxing weekend.

Our final test is tomorrow at 1pm but I've decided to forsake studying and to continue drinking this lovely bottle of wine and catch up with life outside of Europe. For the first time, feelings of homesickness have crept up and put me in a weird mood although it's nothing to be alarmed by. I spoke at length to my mother earlier today and then talked with Taylor, both of which relieved my ill-feelings. Once our test is finished tomorrow, we have several more days to enjoy Paris without the worry of class, homework and tests to interfere. This has really been an amazing experience for me and thus far, I have learned more about myself than statistics and probability (although I've done quite a bit in those regards too), which was the real reason for me to make this 6 week journey 5000 miles away from home in the first place. I hope everyone back in Texas is enjoying the heat and doing well!

Re-evaluation at last

I spent this morning at the Invalides museums seeing Napoleon's tomb (not overly exciting) and walking through the best WWI/WWII museum I have ever witnessed. I especially loved how the French spoke as though the USA was a god amongst gods when we entered both wars and pulled victories away from the Germans. Truly made me proud to be an American :) This evening, our group was taken through a very (very) small section of the Louvre by a wonderful British guide who gave some incredible insight to art history and technique. As everyone in the Louvre does, we visited the big three women (Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, and Winged Victory) and discussed art significance throughout the millennia. The next few days will be a blur as we finish up the bulk of our class, take an all-day tour through Loire Valley and then overnight ourselves to Barcelona for the weekend so don't expect too much out of me in the coming days.

But the purpose of this blog isn't to go into vivid detail about art or history... It is to discuss my true purpose for coming on this trip: a re-evaluation and definition of my life. Throughout the past few semesters, I have become stagnant in most facets of my life, wandering with some purpose but little passion through the daily routines of class and friends. This trip has already allowed me to take a step away from home and see myself from a new perspective, to get out of my comfort zone and taste a bit of flavor I have so desperately been craving recently.

Today, I finally realized my main problem over the past few years... that I have surrounded myself with the wrong people, relied on the unreliable, and held people to standards they could never live up to. Being with these new guys has let me see what truly loyal friends are like, has satiated my hunger for passionate companions instead of the monotonous friends I have grown accustomed to over the years. This isn't to say *all* of my friends from home fall into that category because that could not be farther from the truth; just a vast majority of those I associate with are not on the same wavelength as me, do not function anywhere near the same as I do. They are not less (or more) for this but I have finally realized that I need friends around me who click a bit better with me.

My hope is that on July 2nd when my plane touches down in Houston and I get back to my American lifestyle, I can keep my knew beginnings in place and make steadfast progress towards keeping this new definition in my life. My prayer is that these new friends stay with me for good and help me grow while keeping me grounded. I also hope everyone from home understands my desires for change and either encourages me in the right directions or quietly steps out of my way! Either way, I think I finally have a tight grip on the next years of my life and nothing is going to hold me back!!

Munich and More!

My weekend in Munich has now come to a close and the fun I had lies in stark contrast to my miserable time in Amsterdam last week. This will probably be a blog of considerable stature seeing as we spent 4 days and nights in the city, so be forewarned! But to begin, I must say that if ever you are given the opportunity to visit the capital of Bavaria, do so and try to spend several days there! This city actually has a lot of culture and history to offer.

The trip started with a 10+ hour overnight train in which we crammed ourselves sardine style into a small room of triple bunk beds. In most circumstances, I would be uncomfortable sleeping so tightly packed with people I've known for only a week but the people I was with are amazing! We woke up Thursday morning about a half hour before arriving in Munich to see overcast clouds and rain drizzling out of the windows. After rushing to our hotel and cleaning up a bit, we all agreed that the gloomy weather was conducive to visiting Dachau, Hitler's first and model concentration camp built nearby his home of operations, Munich.

I wish I could describe the sobering experience we all encountered at Dachau but words cannot do the injustices committed there justice (ironically enough). Concentration camps and Hitler's final plan of eliminating differing cultures from society are not a new idea to me; I've read the history books, seen the movies, discussed WWII with friends and family, but seeing the camp in first person blind sided me with an intense feeling of loathing towards the intolerance and hatred of the Nazis. The sadness of what occurred not even a century ago still resonates within me and will always stick out in my mind for years to come.

We sat in quiet reflection on our way home with no one quite knowing how to come back to the real world so quickly from Dachau; it took dinner and a few hours to fully rebound from that experience but we all reached positivity by that evening. We had seen advertisements in our hotel about a popular pub crawl through Munich's famous bars and beer gardens so we took advantage of our discount and began drinking beer, wine, sangria and shots in the late evening. From bar to bar, through the beer gardens, drinking cocktails, beer, having a few shots, doing a Jager-bomb (because it's Germany, right?), all seven of us had a blast roaming around Munich. By the last bar, our larger group and 'guide' had become separated (read: they left without telling many people) so we put our engineering minds together, which at this point were not functioning so clearly, and got ourselves across downtown Munich to our hotel before passing out from exhaustion.

The first part of the next day was spent groggily trying to piece ourselves back together; some had a much more difficult time with this than others although I didn't feel bad because I really didn't drink that much. We milled around and finally decided to visit the Deutsche Museum which housed a history of science and technology through the eyes of Germany. Putting a group of engineers together in a science museum is typically a great way to waste a few hours and this was no exception. The three guys (myself included) basically had nerd-gasms for 2 solid hours and I realized the full extent of Lucas' knowledge on anything science related.

I finally got to see an authentic castle the next afternoon; Neuschwanstein castle almost didn't look real but cut straight out of a medieval fantasy novel. We hiked up to the castle's base and took breathtaking pictures of the fog-enveloped fortress before taking a short tour of Ludwig's masterpiece. The spring to the bridge afterwards took out most of our energy but was well worth it (you can see what I mean in the pictures). We spent that night visiting Munich's largest (and possible the world's largest) beer garden where I drank 2 litres of authentic German beer mixed with delicious lemonade! We milled around the streets of downtown Munich half drunk but totally happy until we made it back and passed out in our hostel.

Munich definitely beat the hell out of Amsterdam as far as fun, sites, entertainment, and company. I've said it a few times but these 6 are incredible people that I look forward to spending the next years of my life getting closer to (despite their quirks, lol). We got back to Paris after 8 hours on a train and I've just been going to class and to sites around Paris ever since!

A touch of Heaven on Earth

Today was spent at the most beautiful location on earth in probably the best weather I've seen in years. Versailles Palace should be at the top of everyone's list to see as soon as humanly possible as it truly is an example of what man-made beauty looks like. And as if the apartment and state rooms inside weren't beautiful enough, the gardens truly took my breath away. I really wish words could to the palace justice but it is impossible to capture the elegance of Parisian magnificence with words, pictures, videos... your senses need to just be here to really grasp the extravagance of Versailles.

The history that took place on those grounds was eerily nagging at me during my trip. I could imagine Franklin and Jefferson roaming the palace grounds, building a framework for America as they admired the 850+ fountains across the thousands of acres of forestry. International diplomacy was founded and expanded in the halls where I stood; dignitaries and ambassadors from every major country during the 17-20 centuries presented gifts, exchanged policies, and discussed the future of the world we live in now at the palace. So much of what we are today was shaped by the discussions held in Versailles. Perhaps I give too much reverence to walls of marble but I had to stand in total respect and awe by the architecture, the history, and the magnificence.

Ok it's time to finish packing! Au revoir!

Studying and tomorrow

Today was the first day I truly studied although Dr. Dunn has prepared us effectively enough that I needed very little time to refresh my memory. It helps that we have very little downtime between classes, especially since my brain holds onto large bits of information well when it's given to me in larger doses! I reviewed exercises, did the homework, reviewed the first homework, and glanced at the equation sheet we are being provided... nothing too intense, especially compared with my usual study regimen of pre-test all-nighters.

Tomorrow will be a very interesting day; we take our test from 10-1120 and then board a bus to trek to Versailles Palace before an overnight train to Munich. I sincerely hope to sleep well enough on the train although if my past is any indication of my future sleeping habits, which it is, then I may be lucky to get an hour or two of sleep before spending all day Thursday touring Munich. In the end, what counts is that I will be spending Thursday through Sunday in the company of 6 very amazing people in a cool city full of great beer! Since when has lack of sleep ever kept me down!?

Back in Paris,Friends, Boys

I cannot tell you how glad I am to be back in Paris. Seeing the slums of Amsterdam really opened my eyes to how civilized and cultured Paris truly is; these walls are literally alive with sophistication. After soaking in bath water for a long time to wash the Holland grime from my body, I met up with my new buddies to have a few glasses of wine, share stories, and finish homework. Our assignment was simple enough, especially with the brain-power of 7 engineers and the freeness that wine provides me! Honestly, I think more clearly after a glass of wine, which I guess is the Parisian culture manifesting itself in me.

But these new buddies of mine are incredible. I came onto this trip basically with 11 strangers (I vaguely knew the other 3 juniors from class) and knew I needed to quickly bond with the group to make it through. The group of 6 sophomores have taken me in almost immediately and are truly some of the most genuine and exciting people I have come across in college. Tonight we went back to Gare du Nord to schedule and book our weekend train tickets to Munich, Germany; our hotel is apparently just a block away from the Beer Gardens amongst other wonderful German venues!! Afterwards, we finally made our way to Refuge du Fondue and had an extremely fun dinner including an aperitif cocktail, an appetizer plate of meats and cheeses, cheese fondue and oil fondue to cook the beef in, bread and potatoes for dipping, 2 glasses of wine each in a BABY BOTTLE(!!), and the most amazing dessert I have ever had the privilege of eating. The insides of a GIANT lemon (probably the size of both of my fists) were carved out and overstuffed with the most perfect lemon sorbet, then deep-frozen before being capped with the lemon top and served. If you have never eaten sorbet out of a fresh fruit, add it to your list of "must do"!

Other than my amazing new friends, I figured I should at least comment briefly on the man-scenery provided here in Paris because, WOW, it's amazing. I have been told by quite a few people that the boys/guys/men whatever are attractive but things were actually underestimated to me. These men are beautiful by every stretch of the imagination; wonderfully dressed in the awkwardly refreshing Parisian style, trendy/cutting edge haircuts, and the most incredible language (besides English, of course) spoken in the world! I have seen some of the most classically beautiful men in the world over the past week and cannot wait to see what the next 3 weeks brings!

It is definitely past my bed time tonight, though; I promised myself a good night's rest before a long day of learning, studying, and preparing for my long weekend. Our test is Wednesday morning and then we are off for a day long trek to Versailles before getting back to Gare du l'Est and taking an overnight train to Munich. I am going to need all the sleep possible to prepare me for this week! Night :)

Almost home...

This weekend in Amsterdam has been a mess to say the least. We spent a few hours walking around the city yesterday afternoon before finally arriving at the van Gogh museum. Although surprisingly small, the museum was very well put together and told van Gogh's short life story through his art. We relaxed in a massive park nearby and then had a really good Dutch meal at a nearby cafe... It was just after this that everything got craaaazy.

If 6th St in Austin is rated R, the red-light district of Amsterdam was rated triple-X... Prostitutes standing at windows soliciting any male walking by, sex shop after sex shop with tons of nudity on display, mainly drunk/high men stumbling down the streets, loud shouting... it was insane! It took only a few hours of this before all 4 of us were ready for some peace. We spent lots of times hiding out in the back of a bar or in the bottoms of the many coffee shops out of the way. When we finally boarded our metro back to the campsite, things got really interesting.

So I've heard that Holland is a wet country but I never guessed we'd get caught in a rainstorm. The metro dropped us off near hte bus stop 3 minutes after the last bus ran so we had to walk back to our campsite which was advertised as a '15 minute walk' but is much more like 25-30... and it was pouring down rain, and around 40 degrees. We were soaked and totally frozen once we got back to the campsite and there isn't a heater in our room. I stripped down and got deep into my rented sleeping bag hoping my body would heat itself back up quickly. Then i realized that I had left my other shirt (the only other one I had) in the bathroom earlier that morning so all I had to wear were my wet clothes.

I woke up this morning surprisingly warm but my clothes were still drenched. We had to walk back to the metro (another 30 minutes) in the misting rain because the buses were not running today for some reason. The public transit in this country sucks horribly. We hopped on the metro and rode it back to the Centraal Station where I am now, waiting for my train to take me back to glorious Paris.

This city definitely makes me appreciate home, Austin, Houston, Texas, etc... It's a cesspool of sin and it kinda makes me feel dirty.

Hope everyone's doing ok!!

Amsterdam!

We got to Amsterdam late last night and finally found our campsite-hostel in a beautiful part of Holland. After spending over an hour walking around the local area trying to find a night bus stop, we turned around and went home to sleep in the FREEZING cold but really neat cabins. We got a decent night's sleep and took the train this morning into Amsterdam and are currently wondering around the city, seeing what true debachery is :)

We're about to go to a few museums before spending an evening on the Red Light district. I'll update this Sunday when I get back to Paris!

Lazy days

Nothing big to report... we spent over 5 hours in class yesterday learning bits of French and a lot of probability, which is surprisingly a great subject. Our small class size of 12 is very conducive to learning and Dr. Dunn might be the most well prepared professor I have seen before. After class, our group walked to the new apartment and we decided that I would move into their old apartment by myself (which I'm fine with) so I won't have to live with 2 girls in a cramped Parisian flat anymore! Our trek to Gare du Nord (train station) was very eventful; it concluded with Amy and I frantically dashing thru the Metro system to her apartment and backa, complete with a broken train, a few misdirections, and one "We're going the wrong way on the metro" scare which proved to be untrue! By the time everyone had tickets to their respective destination for the weekend, we decided Sacre Coeur was out of the picture and went to a Thai place near our apartments instead. The food was reasonably priced and delicious although my stomach did a few flip-flops last night before bed; I feel wonderful this morning so no complaints!

After class today, I'll be getting on a train to Amsterdam where I do not think we will have internet provided to us; don't expect many updates or posts from me this weekend although Sunday should provide ample time for me to blog, post pictures, and catch up!

Class, Food, and a short Walk in Paradise

Class started today; my how out-of-routine I have already become in the past 2 weeks of summer! The French class lasted a little under 1.5 hours and consisted of the alphabet, basic phrasing and some pronunciation. Our teacher spoke ONLY in French which made any comprehension difficult but the total immersion will be beneficial in the end. My pronunciation sucks at this point but I practice on any word I see walking aimlessly through the streets of Paris so hopefully in the coming weeks, I will capable of saying 'r's without sounding like an idiot! Our stats class, which is our primary purpose for being here (yeah right), lasted a good 3.5 hours and moved at a quick pace but everything is manageable for now. Dr. Dunn is quite possibly the nicest professor in the department and is very willing to tailor the work load to our needs.

Post class, I went back home and stopped at rue de Rivoli for some quick shopping. Bought an amazing pair of shorts and a really cool German-esque shirt from Zara before stopping at a Monoprix for fresh groceries. I was pleasantly surprised at the inexpensive food I found in the mini-market which will save me lots of money in the long run. The entire group met up at le Petit Picard near the Notre Dame for an incredible 3-course French meal (pictures of everything are on facebook, per usual!). Everything was spot-on delicious and the chilled Pinot Noir was refreshing! So far, the food has been very impressive every day.

We left the restaurant after an hour of chatting and made our way to the court in front of the Notre Dame to watch some fire-throwers juggle flames for our pleasure! Everything was so picturesque but my camera sucks at taking dark pictures. In the coming days, I plan on getting pictures from other students whose cameras perform better at night (heh!) so everyone can get a good appreciation of the beauty! Our walk to le Louvre took a good 50 minutes because we continually stopped to enjoy the weather, the smells, the sites, and really enjoyed everything about Paris. After a few minutes at the glass pyramids at le Louvre, we made our way back down rue de Rivoli to come home!

It is definitely bed time, though; I have to get up at 830 again tomorrow for another 6 hours of class and more walking.

Au revoir!

Rain, rain, go away!

Today was a great day, aside from the overcast and oftentimes stormy weather we received! It started with orientation at the class center in south Paris. The entire group seems to be getting along extremely well and I'm getting close to the sophomores on the trip. We played a game of spades in the cafe area before getting aboard a tour bus with a very knowledgeable guide who gave us insight to this amazing city! We made a few stops at major monuments of the city but the constant rain kept us from doing anything engaging; I settled for a few photo-ops without much complaint (which are posted on facebook now!).

The real fun began once we got back to the FIAP. The 6 underclassmen and I took the metro back to le Marais and shopped around for a few necessities before going back to one of the apartments to relax. Most of us were extremely tired because our bodies have not quite yet adjusted to the new time zone but we all stayed awake! We each bought a bottle of wine and slowly worked our way through 7 bottles... there were 7 students drinking said bottles over the course of 5 hours so we all reached a healthy dose of "veritas" without getting drunk. I bonded really well with the others as we discussed politics, social issues, life, death, marriage, and everything in between before venturing onto youtube to find solace and laughter amongst great videos! We had a wonderful meal prepared by one of guys and really enjoyed one another's company. This is definitely a wonderful group of engineers who want to thoroughly enjoy both Paris and the rest of the students.

I made my way back feeling wonderful about life and found my apartment without much difficulty... Sadly, my fun ended as I had to (finally) start on homework assignment 1 which is due tomorrow by noon. The problems were very simple and merely an introduction to the program we will be using extensively throughout this course so no curve-balls tonight! Tomorrow is another day with more experiences and hopefully more wine! We begin our French course in the morning, a language I have taken a great interest in as it is so beautiful when spoken. The afternoon should bring a much needed shopping trip down rue de Rivoli and maybe a few department stores in central Paris!

Jetlag = Ugh, Parisian Mornings = Wow

So I fell asleep as soon as the lights went off last night and slept solidly for about 5.5 hours; then for some reason unknown to me, I abruptly woke up at 630 feeling very refreshed. I honestly feel as though I had a full night's sleep, no baggy or bloodshot eyes, no fatigue. The sounds outside of my apartment are truly inspiring, from the cooing of pigeons to the gentle French music being played by people living below us. The sunsets at 10pm and rises sometime before 6am which is incredible to me... gives us tons of time to see the city!

Everything is so peaceful right now... I am looking forward to walking miles throughout Paris today!

Eiffel Tower!

Decided to forsake sleep this evening to visit the Eiffel Tower with my buddies. The walk over to their apartment was a good 45 minutes or more but I weaved near Notre Dame, the Municipal House of Paris, and a few other beautiful bridges and walkways to make the trip incredible. I took a few pictures of the scenery (which are posted on facebook). We got to the Eiffel Tower right at 10pm when they light up the flickering strobe lights from top to bottom which was magical to say the least. After a few photos and stares, we ventured beyond the tower's square and ate at a decently priced yet yummy cafe. I played it safe tonight and ate roasted chicken and a glass of Sauvignon blanc. Tomorrow, I will expand my horizons and shop at a authentic French market for fresh food to cook!!

I used to have a tainted view of Paris as being haughty and arrogant but this is simply the most romantic and beautifully constructed city I have ever seen. Everything seems classic and even the people have been nice up til now. Hopefully this trend keeps up!

The Arrival!

So I finally arrived in Paris! My flight was uneventful and felt quick for a 9.5 hour trip. Continental has a wonderful in-flight entertainment system which kept me distracted from the deep abyss of the Atlantic Ocean under me for a good chunk of the flight! The plane landed and I got thru baggage claim/customs without much hassle. The taxi ride to the FIAP (the building where our class is held) was an experience by itself... French drivers have a unique way of driving, to put it nicely.

There was a few hours of waiting at the FIAP because our apartments were not ready until earlier this afternoon but thankfully, 2 other BME's that I knew previously were already in the cafeteria and more began trickling in over the next hour. We were finally assigned our apartments and my group of 3 (2 girls, lol) were the first to be taken north across le Seine to our tiny but cute French apartment. I will be sleeping on the fold out sofa while the girls sleep in the bedroom; so far, everything is really comfortable and quaint so no complaints here! Our apartment is located in le Marais which is the local gay district... definitely could not have asked for a better location. It was labeled as such because of the growing gay presence due to the ritzy and glamorous shops, great food, and wonderful views. Google search a map of it :)

My exhaustion is overwhelming at this point, though, as I haven't slept in over 25 hours now. Beating jetlag should not be too tough if I make it til at least 10pm tonight and get a great nights rest. In just a few minutes when everyone else gets situated in their apartments, we are going to meet for a French dinner and go shopping :) Right now, a soft pillow and blanket sound incredible but I am forcing myself to last a few more hours.

Hope everyone is doing alright! I will post another blog in the comings days and continually put pictures up on facebook and/or myspace.

Au Revoir

And so it begins

Summer has finally arrived and with it, a feeling of hope has swept over me as I come barreling out of my quasi-depression (read: low point of my year) with a new vigor and optimistic outlook on life. Towards the semester's end, I had succumbed to a dreadful mindset that failure was going to overtake my life; this fear commandeered nearly every facet of my routine, causing me to become cynical, crass, illogical, and irreverent to my opportunity. Three events ripped me from my funk and brought me back to the real world.

First, my mother randomly emailed me a pep-talk email telling me how proud both of my parents were of my accomplishments and that through God, I could reach the fullest of my potential. My close friends proceeded to build me up and served as a strong foundation for me to find myself once again. They encouraged me to seek the Will of God first and then attempt to take on the day. With this three pronged support, I finally had the emotional ammunition to face finals head on.

Second, I spend the weekend between finals pit-stopping in Ft Worth with my best friend and his wife as they visited from Omaha where they are stationed in the Air Force. While there, Jordan informed me that both his wife and he will be deployed to the Middle East sometime later this year, news which really shook me. Neither he nor his wife were phased by the news and both seemed almost excited for the opportunity to serve with courage while I stood on the sideline worried about their safety. This put everything into perspective for me as I realized that I was scared of a systems final, 19 pages of math problems, while my best friend and his wife were anxiously waiting to fly into a war zone halfway across the world before their first anniversary. In spending those few days clouded by fear, I was wasting the vast educational opportunities that have been handed to me freely; instead of complaining about difficulties, I needed to be thankful for the challenges that allowed me to grow and learn something valuable in the process.

Finally, the test came and I spent the next 4 days obsessively refreshing the 'Grade Report' page hoping to catch a glimpse of my final grade. The final was posted early Friday morning but it told me nothing of the curve; I went to sleep like a child does on Christmas Eve, hoping to find a glorious A and 4.0 semester wrapped delicately under my tree the following morning. My alarm went off, I checked my email through my phone and saw "Stas Emelianov" as the sender, knowing that the curve was only a touch away. I anxiously scrolled down and immediately saw that my raw score fell within the generous 'A' range; Christmas came early for me this year and my goal of a 4.0 semester just prior to medical school applications was realized!

Honestly, this semester was not supposed to be an overly difficult one but something about my mentality and methods over the past four months transformed a should-be blow-off semester into a monstrosity that nearly got the best of me. But with the held of God, my family, and my friends, everything fell into place and my story had a happy ending!!

And so it begins... the next chapter, the final chapter to my collegiate career. I am gearing up for the application process and studying for my MCAT; my six week excursion to Europe begins in 4 days and will hopefully bring another definitional period to my life. Hopefully, being apart from my life here will allow me to grow in newer ways, to mature into something different and better than the me that gets on the plane Sunday evening.

On a side note, I will be continually and regularly posting blogs during my treks across the Pacific. Tentatively, we have a weekend trip of partying in Amsterdam and Bruges, a 4 day journey to Switzerland including touring Zürich and skydiving in Interloken near the Swiss Alps, hiking through Tuscany and the art museums of Florence, shopping in Milan, and sunbathing on the southern beaches of France near the French Riviera. After my class, I will be taking a train to Barcelona to meet Brennan for 5 days of beaches, clubs, museums, and relaxation in what I have been told is the most beautiful city in the world. I then fly to Athens (which I am most excited about) to stand in the forums of Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato, to visit the temples at Corinth and Athens where Paul began to spread the Gospel, to ponder philosophies near the Aegean and Adriatic Seas where so much of our current democratic history was born! This will really be the highlight of my college career!!

Go in Peace :)

People Matter

I came to a realization today when discussing politics and the world with some close BME friends... the United States in the past 60 years has championed the concept that people matter, regardless of color, gender, ethnicity, social standing... people matter. Perhaps in a lot of regards, the privileged few seemingly hold more importance in society than the rest but generally speaking, this country has done more to advance civil rights of all over the past few decades than the rest of civilization did over millennia.

My friend brought up the current arrogance of not only the American government but the American people as well; we have this inflated view our our importance to the world at large. But my retort, although lengthy and quite emotional, was simple: this country and the ideals it stands for have given a voice to those who used to be silenced. We made people matter, regardless of whether they wanted such responsibility or not. Historically, I find this began during the Vietnam protests. During WWII, 23 million Russians, 20 million Chinese, 7 million Germans, hundreds of thousands British and American lives were lost amongst countless millions throughout the rest of the world yet these numbers did not, at the time, phase the people. The general consensus was that war was necessary and massive death was required to fuel war.

This changed, however, during the Vietnam war; over the course of the 18 year conflict, roughly 60,000 US soldiers lost their lives during combat and a great number of Americans moved to the streets in disgust. With these protests, the American people ushered in a new era of military thought in that a minimal loss of life is paramount. These beliefs, over the course of the past several decades, has trickled into nearly every aspect of American culture. Currently, two of the most important issues voters claim influence their decisions are universal health care and ending the current war; both issues have a common theme in that they seek to improve life. The conflicts of Darfur has swept through our colleges, driving thousands of students to action while we openly criticize war-mongers and hope-haters both in this country and abroad. We look down on tyrants who openly challenge civil rights and praise governments who plant messages of love and peace. And America truly started the trend...

During conversation, I then realized just how much empowerment our government and its peoples have given to those around us, almost a fault. During the Cold War, we broke the back of the Communist party and gave the oppressed a voice. We marched into Kuwait and pushed back a despot's army, giving the oppressed a voice. We helped end genocide in Rwanda and have brought international aide and attention to Darfur, giving the opressed a voice. On our own soil, we have empowered a generation of youth with the responsibility of our futures and given a stronger voice to those who choose to shape it. Civil rights have reached a new level of expansion, setting a tone for what our foreign relations should model. And although our practices are far from perfect, it has become this country's mantra to stamp out oppression, topple tyranny, end reigns of terror and to declare to this world that no matter who or what stands in our way: People Matter.

The Final Push

This weekend was an amazing tryst with relaxation for me. Coming off of the most challenging and stressful week this semester, I needed to just take a step back to enjoy life again. Breaks are totally refreshing!


Yesterday began at 7:30 with a quick shower and a trip to Starbucks for liquid magic (quad-shot latte!) to give me the boost I'd need to drive to San Antonio. Once I rendezvoused with my friends, we made our way to Fiesta Texas for a day of roller coasters, turkey legs and a lot of sun. Their new overhyped coaster was slightly disappointing but thanks to the addition of a 'singles line,' there was no wait at all. The Superman is still one of the greatest roller coasters I've ever ridden and I thankfully did not lose my keys this time around! By the time I had to leave at 4, my entire body was exhausted from only 2 hours of sleep at 6 hours of constant sunlight.

Dinner for Shannon's birthday was quiet and enjoyable; I guess 15 BME seniors at dinner just do not have much to talk about. Afterwards, most of the group went downtown to see Marvel's latest attempt at summer blockbuster and I can say with certainty that Iron Man will not only impress most viewers but make Marvel hundreds of millions of dollars. The movie was entertaining for its entire 2:06 length with enough comedy, action, and acting to really connect with anyone. It was a great 2 hours!

I finally got home at 11:00 and almost immediately crashed; the constant activities with very little sleep finally caught up to me. When I finally rolled out of bed this morning, I had accumulated over 12 hours of deep, fulfilling sleep that rejuvenated me both physically and mentally. This next week and a half will be very tough with my long report due, a few finals, and several graduation ceremonies to attend across the state to contend with. I did get my evolution test score back and I hope that a 93 will be enough to carry me back to the A range in the class; it is still possible for me to pull a 4.0 semester at the most crucial time!!

But now, I have my final long report (ever) to finish. The end of this semester cannot come early enough... I need Europe!