After years of searching for my lustrous pearl, I have finally found the inner peace longing to find its way to the surface. It had long been trapped under insurmountable piles of stress, pressure, anxiety, and ambition, leaving me constantly tired. My life has been easy thus far but by allowing serenity sit backseat to chaos, I have yet to truly start living.
Last week, at the suggestion of a close friend, I began spending 30 minutes a day quietly sitting in my room with relaxing music washing its tides over my mind. At first, my mind was unaware of how to cope with the calming sensation the waters of quiet brought with their surf; I sat in quiet as my mind raced to find images, thoughts, ideas, equations to fill the void. Unsatisfied with the first few minutes, I desired to turn the lights back on, boot up my computer and allow my normal routine eek its stressful way back into my life, but I persisted a few minutes longer.
Then it happened... The gears slowed, the thoughts cleared and I focused on a singularity of darkness in my mind. As I began to adapt to the serenity, everything began to achieve an order in my head and I was able to process my thoughts one by one. I meditated on my emotional extremes of the day and found their origins and solutions to prevent them from occurring again. The knowledge I had gained from studying that day solidified and became permanent; it sounds weird but I could see these events much like I see the computer screen now, only with my 'mind's eye' inside my psyche. When I came to some 45 minutes later, this peace that was once so distant had come closer and was in my grasp!
Over the past week, I have achieved a calm every day, usually just before going to bed and I believe that it has allowed God to place a hand over my anxiety and snuff it out. These two tests looming ahead no longer seem impossible; I believe in my skills, abilities, and knowledge now more than ever! It is a difficult concept to explain but the results are as clear to me as anything I've read in textbooks: for the first time in my life, I have found peace!
From here, I hope my life changes in positive ways. I long to obtain more control on my emotional whims to prevent them from dominating every facet of my life. My decisions should be more pointed, with a greater purpose; my goals are solid and will give me a firm foundation to trek over in the coming years. Everything tastes better now, down to the water and bread I have consumed almost every day for years. Smells are more vivid, colors have a brighter hue... Truly this must be what life is about!
God has given me a new edge but with it comes new responsibilities. Now more than ever, I am accountable for the consequences my emotional decisions bring. I must control my jealousy (especially with certain friends) such that I may take action to allow for their happiness, not my own. My blind ambition needs to help me reach goals to help people without hurting any along the way for the end cannot always justify the means. And I will do everything I can to insure that my knew-found joy in life through Christ and peace outwardly shows to my friends to allow me to love them more with each passing minute!
So I ask you to give it a try... meditate on the joys of life. Spend a few minutes in peace each day focusing your mind on the light within the dark recesses of your mind. Through that, I hope you may find the peace and joy that has been given to me!
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2 comments:
That's a really cool story, and I'm glad you've found some distance from the 'madding crowd'. Good luck keeping with the routine, and my advice is just that: stick with it!
What sort of music are you listening to during this zen time?
-Gray
That's really exciting! At the beginning of this summer I tried yoga and found that I had been missing out on something wonderful! I've learned a lot over the summer about myself and feel so much better about life because of it, I think. Meditation is proven to improve your memory, too. ;)
Jayci
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