Silver Lining

Lately, my life has been defined by one simple, four letter word: loss. In the matter of one month, I lost both of my grandfathers, my ambition for medical school, and one of my best friends, all of which will change my life forever. Albeit I believe God gives and God takes away, these 4 weeks have felt strangely lopsided towards the divine "takes away" column on His checklist, and part of me constantly wonders what or who is next. Yet throughout it all, I have never before been this positive, this uplifted, in life, and I chalk it all up to seeing a silver lining in my proverbial rainclouds.

The loss of my grandfathers within two weeks of one another will be remembered as a hallmark of my college life. Up until late August, I had never lost a someone close to me, much less a family member; the mechanisms we develop for coping with death had not yet arisen for me. Fourteen days later, I had attended two funerals for the men who had always served as role models for me, I had watched my grandmothers suffer loss in a magnitude I may never understand. But at the same time, I witnessed my families come closer together; I heard more sincere "I love you"s between cousins, siblings, parents, children and spouses than ever before. I learned two very important lessons in those weeks: life is fragile and to never forget to say I love you. I am sure that both Grandpa and Papaw would be pleased with me finding peace in Love even in their deaths.

Losing my ambition for medical school shocked most of the people around me but I knew better. Since this summer, I had been festering with the idea of not applying but I needed a catalyst to help drive my decision home, one that would come from the losses detailed above. After realizing how precious life is, I decided that 4 years of medical school was not my calling, at least not right now; I am trained to be an engineer and I want to see my skills in industry. It depressed me to see my MCAT scores because the reality of not applying had finally sunk in... I was truly not going to be a doctor. But in this, I learned finally how to make decisions for myself, how to consider the costs and the benefits relating solely to my life and to come to a path that I can be happy to walk down.

My most recent loss comes in the form of a very close friend, someone I had considered (and still do) my little brother. Events transpired that I may never fully understand but the outcome is clear. Although these past few days have been quiet and I certainly miss him, I know that this is the best option for both of us right now. It is a hard pill to swallow knowing that we may never interact again, that we may never change one another for good (this is starting to sound like a Wicked song, how fitting). Yet I have full confidence that our lives will carry on. My hope is that he continues in his growth as a young man and lives up to his potential, that he finds not only happiness but peace as well, that both of us will look back and view this week as necessary for our continued maturation. Thankfully, I am busy enough with school and life to distract me from the quiet that his absence has caused.

Bad things happen... we cannot change that fact of life. But when you find yourself down, when you realize that life may not be going in the direction you intended, I encourage everyone to always seek a silver lining. Find something positive to grasp onto and never let go of it. Find a friend, a hobby, a task to focus your energies into and let something good be born from something bad.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28